♣ I think the heart of it is from the 'not really into/knowledgeable about paintings' is the hearing someone saying you like the bad stuff. Fear of an invalidated musical experience? Like hearing, "you cried to that! omg that's so kitsch!"

♣ Everytime I remember (and I can't force myself to truly remember, it's that strange 'flash memory' that only lasts for a few seconds and is usually caused by a scent, taste, music, temperature, water, or something) that family trip to the beach, I go into this extreme euphoric state nicer than anything else. The big thing about this though is that contradicting this is I know and remember very clearly how miserable I was mentally and emotionally that whole trip. How can this contradiction be true?

♣ Should I face the things I am ashamed of? Should I only do things I would be comfortable with anyone seeing me doing? Is it natural to have a private life you would never want anyone to know about?

♣ I was really excited about it, but by the time we were able to schedule everybody and the day came I wasn't in the mood for it anymore, and it wasn't as fun as if we could've just done it that day. I guess spontaneity is a real thing after all