❃ Deer & Skunk ❃

Scene 1 - nighttime, a clearing in the forest, stars overhead, empty chairs

Deer: I wish to be forced to do what I want to do

Skunk: Hm?

D: So often you're forced to do what you don't want to do, why couldn't just once you be forced to do what you do want to do?

S: Hmmm, I do always hate being forced to do what I don't want to do, though I remember times when I was about to do something and then someone told me to do it and I didn't want to do it anymore. Like the thing I was about to do didn't change at all but somehow with being told to do it the whole atmosphere of it changed for me. Or if I'm not in the mood for something I normally like, being forced to do it can be dreadful.

D: Yeah though...

[Pause, the trees are still]

S: Hm?

D: I feel like there are things I want to do but feel like I can't do. It's like I want someone to give me permission by forcing me to do it. Almost so it seems like it wasn't my idea to do it and I can somehow feel better doing the secret thing I wanted to do this way.

S: How are they ever supposed to know?

D: Yeah... it's like silently wishing for something that can't happen

[Pause, then a shooting star overhead just as they look up]

S: It's incredible how you can stare at the sky for a whole night and never see a shooting star though sometimes you may glance up for a moment just before one appears. Quick, make a wish

D: I never know what to wish for

S: Really?

D: Lots of things flash through my head and even if I'm able to pick one I question if I actually would want that. (How am I supposed to know what I want?) Did you wish for something?

S: I wished to know the best possible wish so that next time I see a shooting star I can wish for that

D: Did it come to you?

S: ...no
...
...eek!

[The two look off into the forest, the skunk's tail flares, the deer tracks with its head across]

S: I want to spray!

D: Wait! (I want to run!?)

[Deer's head tracks it off]

D: It's gone

[Pause, Skunk very slowly settles]

S: I'd always assumed that- well maybe assumed isn't the right word, i just didn't think about where wants and desires come from. I said, 'I want to spray' but something in my environment made my body want to do its specific response. If I had wanted to not do so, where would that desire be coming from?

D: Yeah I don't like the situation of being forced to do something like that - (But what is making me want to not do it?)

[They move on, passing a stream and approach two fruits, they eye them both over then look at each other]

D: Which would you prefer?

S: I think I want that one, but where is that coming from? I don't know. I didn't decide I like that type of fruit and even if I did, how would I decide I wanted to make the decision? Where is that coming from? The actual experience of making a decision, not just a feeling like you don't have any other options, it feels like it's already happened, well maybe not before but at the same time, somewhere else, you move without yourself.

D: Like if you think, 'what do I want to think about' and then you wait to be given options of thought to think about and then see what feelings each option gives you but you can't choose what comes to you, you can only think about whatever arises from the bottom to the surface, (once it's to the surface you feel this way or that about it which might cause you to try to stop thinking about it (which you may not be able to) or try to hold on to and develop the thought (which you might be able to) or it makes you think of something else and so on.. it feels bottomless...

[The moonlight falls through the trees like rain]

D: when you're dreaming, do you feel like it's this strange in between space where you really can't control what's happening, you're just being moved along having these things put before you- and if you do something like act or speak it's as if the words are being pushed out of your mouth and you don't know what you've said until you hear it yourself?

S: yeah, yeah I've felt something like that

D: you can't control what's happening and when it's bad it's really bad but whenever I have a nice dream I enjoy so much being swept away by it and having my place in it, even though in a way, I have no part in it.

S: yeah, and then there's that blurry line between dream and day, like when you drift off to sleep and you can just barely watch your mind slowly begin to be picked apart before you've forgotten and it's morning and you've woken up and you're not sure what's real and what's dream and in the that strange spell things flow a little differently and some things seem so much more important and some lose all importance until the spell is broken by a sound or a sight.

D: yeah, that little bit of space is like having an entirely different imagination that has thoughts in a different way, and when they're nice I never want to leave. I can't tell if I have more or less control but it's definitely more vivid.

S: mm

[They continue on, the trees stretch their arms to the sky but are still so far below]

S: You know, I really don't like being forced into something I don't want to do and I don't choose what things I like or want to do but... sometimes when I'm doing something like running for awhile or doing some little task and if I'm comfortable, it's like to do it well I have to let my body take over, let go, and let it do it all itself.. and I feel like I really enjoy that state of moving mindlessly. I forget about anything beyond that thing, time is forgotten, I forget myself .. it just goes

D: it reminds me of music, how you might not even notice a foot tapping or a finger waving and if you give into it your whole body is taken by it. If I step back and look at it it feels wrong, it's like being forcibly controlled by invisible strings. But still, it's as if I love to lose control.. to be forced to do the things I didn't choose to like. There's just so many songs I don't want to hear...

[They pause in a clearing]

S: You know, when you look someone in their eyes I'd guess the reason is to watch their face since you can see everything communicated through their faces and all the things they are looking at, but I feel like there's something else when you're doing that. A striving, trying to look beyond everything keeping that individual together and past that into their one hole, that emptiness, into the one watching, into nothing/darkness. (Of all the bright, buzzing lights surrounding it, nothing meets nothing)

[They look into each other's eyes and dance together]